Too Much To Ask?

Read this entry while listening to that:

Lots of (home)work and long talks about love, but no love. That’s how the last few weeks have been. During this undoubtedly productive period I felt like expressing some subtle worries regarding my personal life to friends and, well, my mum. Even though I’m carefully picking out my words when I’m having a discussion with my mum, when I talk to friends, most of my statements sound a lot like “I am going to end up as a pensioner living with one hundred cats” or “I’m through with love, I’ll never fall again” or the brief but comprehensive “forever alone.”

At some point, my friend E. decided to give me a piece of her mind, taking the road less traveled: Instead of giving me the awaited “you’re are pretty and smart and (insert positive adjective used to describe a personality trait), so you’ll eventually* find someone” talk, she said, “Maybe you’ll have to lower your standards.” I had already opened my mouth to answer, but no single word came out. Lucky me, because I was so baffled at the moment that I would probably sound like Dory speaking whale. Baffled, not surprised, since it wasn’t the first time I heard those words.

A (thousand) question(s) arose in my mind: Did I actually ask for too much in a man? How much is too much? Do ladies that are less, erm, demanding have more fun? Blondes have anyway more fun than brunettes, so I’m totally having less fun than a blonde with fewer expectations. Anyway, time for self-criticism:

1.       For one thing I have not been as precise as Cake in the song “Short Skirt/LongJacket”:

I want a girl with/ A mind like a diamond/ I want a girl who/ Knows what's best/ I want a girl with/ Shoes that cut/ And eyes that burn/ Like cigarettes/ I want a girl with/ The right allocations/ Who's fast and thorough/ And sharp as a tack […]

2.       In addition, I’m not as superficial as lots of women can be. To give an example, I’ve heard a young woman of my age boasting about how none of her conquests drove something less posh than a Mini Cooper or a convertible. Or have you ever heard of the high heel rule? It means that the guy has to be taller than his girlfriend even when she wears high heels. I used to say that too at the age of 14 –did I even own heels back then?- but then I grew up and got over it.

3.       (This point is not actually product of self-criticism, just an unexpectedly interesting new point of view.) A warm summer night, sitting at the beaten leather couch of an old, dilapidated German pub, watching people passing by holding beers, dancing or talking conspiratorially as if they shared secrets and listening to the full of excitement scream of a dancing hipster, he made an attempt to figure me out. He used a food simile to do so, and that’s mostly the reason why it’s worth mentioning. “Were we talking about an ice-cream (please, do click!), you wouldn’t care that much about the chocolate topping, but also for the creamy inside. So, you’re looking for a man who’s smart, who can excite you, keep you interested.”

To come to a conclusion, I’m still not sure if I’m über-demanding or not. Another friend of mine, S., said that having high standards when it comes to men is not bad at all; on the contrary it might even be a sign that there are people out there (I hope she meant planet Earth, not the whole universe) that possess these qualities. It is quite true, if you think about it.. For example, if you’re looking for a man with humor, it’s because you’ve known a man that made you laugh yourself sick. If you’re looking for a tall handsome unshaved man with messy hair, it’s because you saw him here, therefore he exists.

What are your views on the issue?

Bisus!

F.

*How do we measure eventually? In moments, days, weeks, months, years?