20(-Something) and Single: Young Men Navigating the Dangerous Waters of Modern Dating

While I was still single, I had both celebrated and despised my status. I had seen all my friends – ok, probably a good 90% of them – getting into serious relationships and felt like the Only (Single) Girl in the World (take a guess; it wasn’t very Rihanna-like).

The official single guy, Barney Stinson.

However, I was only thinking of my girlfriends. What about the guys? To be brutally honest, till recently I’ve been having mostly same sex friends. Even though I would hang out with guys in high school, it was mostly because we belonger to the same clique (:group of friends). It wasn’t until university that I actually had to sit down and have one-to-one conversations with men.

Here’s where it gets interesting: They can be as single and happy or as single and sad as we do, ladies. Sometimes I find discussing with men about their single status more fascinating than with women. Why? They simply have a different perception of things.

What follows is my attempt to "categorize" my single male friends:

The Classy One

Here comes a man with fine taste: He’s eclectic and sophisticated; he’ll open the door for you, take your coat, spoil you, take you to the opera, and talk to you about his travels around the world. He also happens to know the best places to do anything. He likes to plan his dates with a meticulousness that would put even a heart surgeon to shame, reaching a level of obsession. Please don’t take it wrong, deep down he’s as anxious as you do and he’s just trying to do his best to impress you

The One Who Likes to Date Younger Girls

Actually there’s not only one, they are many! According to them, 20-something women are overly emotional. Wait a minute, that was the euphemism I invented for their saying “batshit crazy”. Younger girls – yep, high school girls – are “easier to impress and to have around”. This kind of men might be the sloth-iest to be found, but, nevertheless, their student status, apparently cool attitude and party hard lifestyle seem to attract younger girls like a magnet. Of course they’d never admit that I’m probably right when I say that the “batship craziness” of 20-something girls might sometimes be the result of some 20-something university student with lots of free time and car messing around with their heart when they were only 16, but that is another story.

The Friendzoned

We’ve all known a guy like that; the one who tells the funniest jokes, wears sensible shoes and is actually a decent listener – for a guy, at least. He’s also the one who would hand you the box of tissues after a painful break-up, make silly faces for your Instagram photos and allow you to tag him in ridiculous Facebook check-ins – when picking up frozen yoghurt it’s not that necessary. You “looooove” him, but wouldn’t really consider dating him; he feels more like a brother to you that like a potential love interest. And it’s contagious; it seems like every single girl that gets to know him only sees him in this way.

The One Who Doesn’t Know He’s in a Relationship

Let me rephrase it: The One Who Doesn’t Know He’s Dating Someone and Things Are Getting Serious. He thinks he’s still single, but he’s the only one thinking so. The rest of us can recognize the signs of casual dating slowly progressing into a relationship. It is a typical characteristic of the typical guy fear of settling down and being exclusive.

The Womanizer

This word doesn’t necessarily imply that this man engages in coitus with multiple ladies. For me, it refers mostly to someone who is a huge FLIRT. There, I said it. If walls had ears, he would probably flirt with them as well! He is good looking, charming even, outgoing and – unfortunately – well aware of it. Every girl that has him as a friend knows she s-h-o-u-l-d-n’-t even consider him in some other, non-friendly way. I think that he is most often than not the type of guy most women decide to date in order to “change” him, convert him from a shameless flirt to a serious and most importantly monogamous guy. This plan does not usually work causing more tales of change and desperation.

The One Who Is Too Busy For All That

Hmm, well this one is kind of rare. Once upon a time, there was a prince so engrossed in his studies/work/Game of Thrones/music/other field of interest that he forgot that there was a princess waiting for him to rescue her. Now she is probably too old – if not dead – or dating some other mythical creature. And he only recalls his single status when he is slightly intoxicated due to alcohol abuse, stating with bitterness that he is and will always remain hopelessly single and ignored from all female creatures.

The One Who Just Got Out of a Serious Relationship

Remember that box of tissues I mentioned above? There is a chance you are going to need it. This guy, the last in my list, has just gone through a very painful break-up. Therefore, he is tossed once again, this time against his will, in the dark dangerous waters of modern dating, in which he might or might not be ready (yet) to swim. In the second case, he will probably go through many phases and many of them will not be pretty. He will be depressed and obnoxious; have one night stands and then regret it; go through his whole booty call list and regret this as well. Have classy dates like the guy of the first category. Have flings with younger girls, pissing of the guys of the second category. Get friendzoned or turn into a womanizer. Try to keep himself busy with work, sports, friends, trips, knitting, feeding cats, Ben & Jerry’s and alcohol. He will recall things about his ex in unfortunate moments and drunk text her in even more unfortunate ones. If you happen to be a witness of all these, stick around and show sympathy, he is after all your friend and needs your help now more than ever.

Have you met or been friend with any of these guys? Would like to mention another “category”? I’d love to read your comments!

Un beso enorme,

F.

PS: Facebook anyone? Tweet me maybe?